WOMAN 1: What would you like?
WOMAN 2: Money, fame, my cellulite to be magically zapped into oblivion, a walk in wardrobe filled with shoes… No! A whole house… No! A mansion! Filled with shoes… and a man, yes, a gorgeous hunk of a man who just completes me, you know? Like, I could look into … [Read more…]
WOMAN 1: What would you like?
A MAN and a WOMAN are sitting up very straight and proper at the furthest ends of a large dining table. In the middle of the table are the usual condiments but well out of reach of both.
MAN: Pass me the… [He blanks out.]
WOMAN: Salt or pepper?
MAN: Sepper? [He instantly slaps his palm to his … [Read more…]
He woke up with the most horrendous headache. For a short while Clive thought that was all that was wrong. He made his coffee, ate his breakfast, but it wasn’t until he went to wash his face that he saw in the mirror that something had been written in thick black marker on his forehead … [Read more…]
[An old grizzled FARMER drives his tractor along a dusty long road with tears welling up in his eyes. By his side in the front of the tractor is a very large pig, BETTY, struggling to cling onto life.]
FARMER: Nearly there Betty! Nearly there!
FARMER: Just hold on Betty!
FARMER: I know, I know. I … [Read more…]
[A young TEENAGE BOY is standing underneath a hills-hoist Australian clothes line nervously about to undo a pair of knickers from the line. A middle-aged man appears from on the balcony of the household.]
MAN: Oy! What are you doin’!?
[The teenager freezes, like a deer caught in the headlights.]
TEENAGE BOY: Nothing. Um… I’m lost.
MAN: You were … [Read more…]
[A man, BARRY, in full English medieval attire and a crossbow slung across his back slowly approaches another MAN sat atop a small hill, dressed likewise, but with one shoe pulled off, and kneading his bare foot gently in his hands.]
BARRY: Hail soldier! What ails thee?
MAN: Shut up Barry. The reenactment’s over.
[Barry stands awkwardly … [Read more…]
[An Old English battleground, King Harold is engaged in a scuffle with a couple of Norman knights, but after dispensing of both of them takes a moment amid the surrounding skirmishes to briefly recover. A young English knight taps him on the shoulder. King Harold turns around to reveal a large arrow sticking out of … [Read more…]
Over the last twenty years Austin, Texas has been inundated with bats. At first, the citizens lobbied the council to get rid of the things. Saying the bats would bring rabies. Instead, however, the bats brought in an extra ten million dollars a year in tourist money. On top of that they consume tonnes of … [Read more…]
GROCER: Fresh tomatoes! On sale! Bright purple tomatoes!
GROCER: Yes, bright purple, the way nature intended!
CUSTOMER: I’ll take a bag please.
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[A man, MR. CARLISLE, steps into an empty elevator on the ground floor of a large corporate building. There are no buttons, but rather, a visual sound wave to represent a female ELEVATOR voice on a screen.]
ELEVATOR: Good day Mr. Carlisle.
MR. CARLISLE: Hello Elevator.
ELEVATOR: Which floor would you like Mr. Carlisle?
MR. CARLISLE: My office please.
ELEVATOR: … [Read more…]